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Drawing a Line

It's been a while, hasn't it?

Things are starting to get better in my life. I'll be very busy in November writing a novel I'm planning right now. Among many things I do in my spare time is watch Angel with my family--my mother, who watched Bones first, loved David Boreanaz so much she had to watch Angel and now she's obsessed. Kind of the opposite of me. And we just finished the bit in Season 3 where this story first diverges, and I've been mulling things over. Also, JulNoWriMo is going on, and I'd like to do something for that, even if it's fanfiction.

Here's the thing, though: the story, as written right now, is tilted and weird. I've said this a couple of times before--the first few chapters were written before I knew where everything was going, I haven't known how to go back an edit them, and so on. And I've discovered that I should write a big chunk so I know where things are going while I'm editing, in this kind of serial writing.

So: I am going to re-do this from the ground up. I'm still mulling things over, but it will be the same basic story. If you liked Illyria, and Fred/Wesley, and my take on the characters, you'll like what I'll put together. If you were looking forward to Connor, never fear--Connor as raised by Angel is the second-biggest thing driving a need to write this story.

I'm going to try to get at least 32,000 words done on this (pro-rating JulNoWriMo to only be 20 days long), and while I might not get that much done, it's a decent target. That'll be a few chapters, which can then be edited and posted while I'm writing more. So there will be something to see come August!

I'm not going to promise more than a chapter a month--I have NaNoWriMo to prepare for, I am helping to run an online roleplaying game, and so on. But I'd like to see this worked on and finished. It's been around in my head for five years now. I've got to do something with it.

I'll leave the chapters up for now, and I might archive them for posterity but they might also get taken down once the new stuff's up. We'll see how I feel. Either way, I'm drawing a line here: that was the old, this will be the new.

See you in August!


In Which My Body Hates Me

So holidays happened. And then I got sick. I got better. Then a day later got sick. Got better, got sick. Repeat for the month of January. Huzzah for flu/norovirus/GI virus outbreaks! January was pretty much a haze of fever and either being sick or tending to sick people.

I was recovering from the Month of Sick and (gasp) getting writing done.

And then, about a week and a half ago, something broke inside me.

I don't know what happened yet, exactly. I just know I went to the ER in a ton of pain, they determined it is not my appendix (the nightmare OMG scenario) and sent me to my normal doctor to get a referral to a specialist. I leave out the details to protect my own privacy and others' possibly delicate sensibilities, but right now various scenarios present themselves and all of them are full of pain and possible surgery.

For the past week and a half I have been in major pain, pretty constantly. I had some Vicodin that was letting me sleep, but my doctor didn't give me any more, so I have barely been able to sleep since I ran out. I am going back on Wednesday, armed with "no, ibuprofen is not best for this kind of pain and that injection you gave me made it worse" but I hold out little hope of getting any real pain relief. :(

I know something is wrong. I hurt a lot. I am barely managing to keep it together enough to do some stuff, and I hope that at some point I can turn my attention to Chaotic Attractors. Assuming all winds up okay there will be work done on this. Just... later than I wanted.

Sorry about this, guys. I am sure y'all will (like the people in the online RPG I'm part of) tell me to rest and not worry. And I am resting as much as I can! But there is a point where, for mental (and thus physical) health, one needs to get something done. I will update when I know something more about the prognosis, or if I manage to get anything done.



So I am writing. Well. I am not actually writing yet. I am story-planning, also known as "how the heck do I get from point A to point B??" It's going well. I should start properly writing in a day or two.

I make no promises for updates until January, because 1: Holidays and 2: I am taking online courses that require attention. But mostly 1.

I decided, though, I am definitely going to do this thing for two reasons, the first being that several people, in comments here and in talking elsewhere, have gone "Yes finish that!!" The second? I've been watching Bones and... David Boreanaz. Dammit, David Boreanaz. He makes me want to go watch Angel all over again just because he's so awesome.

Seriously, if you haven't watches Bones go watch it, for it is awesome and I have a personal theory that Seeley Booth's life is Angel's "reward" for saving the world. :D I know, I'm silly, but it makes sense!

All that said, update in January probably. Maybe earlier. Not likely later, but life does things sometimes.

Thanks for the support!



So I remember why I stopped working on this, a while back: my computer died, and with it went all the work I'd been doing on Chapter 9 and beyond. The hard drive that all that writing is on won't boot up and I can't seem to slave it to another drive to just get the files off of it. Grr. The frustrating thing? Chapter 9 was done, ready to post, and I can't quite remember everything that happened.

I'm looking to see if I ever sent a copy of the damn thing to anyone. Since I probably didn't, and I was horrible about backing things up before that crash (I do so compulsively now), it's likely that that's lost. It's frustrating and annoying, but it doesn't mean I won't work on this--I'll just have to do more work than I thought I did.

*sigh* Work to do, work to do...


OMG Update!

So I don't even know if anyone's still reading this, or keeping an eye out... but hi, if you are!

Life is crazy. A lot's gone on. I left school due to illness, this year has been... a mess. But I did NaNoWriMo and although I didn't finish I did finally realize the most important part of writing a story is the writing bit.

There are reasons, most of them complicated and personal, I haven't come back and finished this thing. The height of my Angel fandom, and thus my Wesley/Fred/Illyria obsession, was tied up in a really painful time in my life, and it's taken a while to get past that. When I revived things before I hadn't really gotten "over" it all. Now, I have, and I can look at this and not have connections to painful stupid things.

I showed the link to a friend today as an example of my writing, and read some of the prior stuff, and felt that old thing in me... felt Illyria's voice (it's always been Illyria driving this) urging me to finish the thing.

So I'm going to attempt to write more of this. I am not making promises, yet, on how long chapters will take to come out or whether I'll finish. I want to get some of the writing done, see how long and how much I can realistically sustain. I have come to realize I should be several chapters ahead before I post a chapter, so I know where things are going and if I need to fix anything earlier.

I am debating re-writing the thing. Most of it's fine after about Chapter Four, but the first three are overly complicated and make me itch to fix them. I don't know. Maybe I will, maybe I won't.

Anyway, when there's more to say I will say it. We'll see how things go.


Brief Update

I will, life willing, be posting Chapter 9 this weekend. Preferably tonight. I've had a lot of trouble with it, which I'll explain when I post because right now I just want to get it done.

Stay tuned.



Since Sunday is update day, I figured I'd better post something to keep you guys informed. My daughter's birthday is tomorrow, so we've been going to movies and having dinner and etc., and thus I've been quite busy! Chapter 9 is allllmost done, so I'm going to finish it up and post it once it's ready, hopefully Tuesday but no later than Wednesday. Then I'll writewritewrite to have another update for you next Sunday. :)

Anyhow, I hope folks had a good weekend, and look for an update in a couple days!


I'm Here!! No Really!!!


First of all: I'm very very sorry to those who've been waiting for a new chapter. I've had my fics that I checked daily or weekly, looking for responses, and it's disappointing to not get updates. Especially because with a project that's remotely big you go "will it ever be finished?" There is little more inherently sad in my worldview than an unfinished story. Unless it's supposed to be that way for artistic reasons. ;)

An explanation: my life has been extremely complicated. I have four kids and I go to school full-time, which is complicated enough for a start. I'm a physics major, so it's difficult stuff, and my grades are very very bad. Like... "I'm not sure I can keep my financial aid" bad. Not due to the work being too hard, but due to chronic and not-quite-properly-treated illness of both me and my husband making it difficult to get to school, let alone do homework.

I also have a 90-year-old grandmother who depends on us for a lot and a child who definitely has some sort of developmental delay, so one can understand, perhaps, why writing fanfic has not been high on my radar--especially when I had a writing-intensive history class last quarter. I've been stressed beyond belief, and then of course thinking about the fic would make me go "augh I should write that!" and more stress. Bleh!

Anyways. Husband and myself are finally receiving proper doses of medication (though we're going to have to switch doctors but this should be a smooth transition), and last quarter is over. Going forward I have almost entirely lab classes which is, weirdly, a good thing for me. I loves me my lab classes. ;) I'm working with my advisor and assuming all holds together my school work will happen and stress will not. Well, not as much.

Here's a funny thing: my advisor thinks I ought to write. That the lack of writing is actually hindering my school work. She's a big one for balance. >.> And not in a "this is a nice suggestion" sort of way but now in a "do this or else" sort of way.

Anyway, Chaotic Attractors will get written. And if I write on another project at some point (I have one or two in my brain--one original, one fanfic) I will point y'all at it, in case you like my writing and not just my Angel fic'ing. ;) I am going to strive for biweekly updates at worst, more often at best. I'll definitely post status updates once a week.

So Sunday is officially update day! :) Which means that the next chapter--or more preview at the very least--should be up this coming Sunday.

Thanks for sticking around, folks. :)


Chapter 9 Preview

Hey guys! It's been a grueling quarter, but finals are over now and I can settle and work on The Strange Attractor. I already got some done over the last month, so I'm posting it as a preview until I get the rest done.

I think about this dang thing all the time, I just haven't had a chance to sit at my computer and write. Look forward to the next update!

Since I know you guys wanted to see Connor.Collapse )
In which time runs out, desperate long shots are tried, and people find reasons to go on despite the situation.

Hope it's long enough. More coming soon. :)

Relativity would have laughed at Fred, if relativity had consciousness. Sometimes she wondered.Collapse )